I am me because of my experiences in life. They don't define me but they have changed me. Some for the better. Some for the worst. I have been ashamed for years and years for the things that have changed me for the worst. I hide them. I pretend those things don't exist. But they do exist and those are habits that I can't just shake away. I am learning to not be ashamed. I don't want to hide anymore. I want to share so that others don't feel alone. I have felt broken. I have felt like a freak. We all have our burdens to bear and we shouldn't have to bear them alone. We are all special. We are all unique. We all deserve love. I can't pretend to not be me I can't pretend to be something I'm not I jump at every sound I hear I constantly look behind me I am paranoid about my surroundings I am a rape victim I have been stalked I get stressed thinking about leaving the house I go over every scenario that could go wrong My stomach is always revolting I have social anxieties and agoraphobia I have irritable bowl syndrome I feel like a mess and so alone I don't sleep well at night I lay awake and toss and turn I have nightmares that leave me shaken I have PTSD I regularly take medicine I always try to better myself I try to get over my fears I try to not let it define me But I can't run away It's a hard road to face alone I need those that love me for me I don't need those that are afraid To be with someone with a tainted past I may wish things had been different I may sometimes ask why me But I will not apologize I will not let you treat me like a leper I am strong I am a survivor I will live on I am loved
I am Strong. I am Brave.
October 30, 2013 by Leave a Comment